Designer: Infravermelho
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4.41AM & im up like its 9 in the morning.
i blame my neighbors wit their ol ghetto selves. "BITCH PLEASE YOU CRACKHEAD MOTHA FUCKA!" [insider] =| right.
& i blame kash & bryants asses for callin me @ 4 in the morninq wit they funny asses. why bryant sound like heath to me. ugh, -shakes memories from head- not makin THAT trip down memory lane. not tonite.
umm, soooo like... school starts the 3rd. annndddd i dont got no type of books or shit to write on. lmao. talk about being prepared. ah well. i dont know if everything is paid for either. when i went to go see my shit wasnt even DONE yet, & the guy had told me if i had registered i can still come to clas no matter what. so shit, fuck it, ima go get me a taste of the college life even if the shit dont last. im excited BUT nervous cause i dont know if itll last. =/
this love shit, - rolls eyes - idk. its like i want it but i dont. maybe i wanna be a lil pimp and have my taste of "variety" like the niqqas i kno call it. im still with elijah. and eric, the other dude i was SUPPOSE to be diqqin, seems like he fallin out the picture. i met him PERSONALLY for the FIRST time since i met him online and well, to ME i didnt feel any different. i mean he doesnt look EXACTLY the same as in the pictures, shit neither do i , but i wasnt like totally disgusted or anything. anyhoo, i think he expected me to be different, or act different, cause after that day, which was monday, he has been quiet. like he use to hit me up and call me ALL the time, now its like "where the fuck eric go?" and honestly thats a turn off. if your that confused and that hesistant about your feelings then a relationship isnt gonna work with us. we're just gonna be on and off and i dont need that shit. i cud do bad by my DAMN self. im mad at him for that, and im gonna get in his ass about it soon. whether i do it nice or mean, hes gonna know how it feels, regardless i was willin to let my guard down a LITTLE and maybe TRUST him, suttin i dont ever do but im glad i havent yet. lets see what happens. i have a feeling its gonna go bad, but oh well, if your straight up with yours, ima be straight up with mines. PERIOD [.]
dont ask WHY im still with elijah. shit i dont know. shit, i dont know why the nigga still with MY ass. i should really ask. i can sit here and act like i dont love the nigga when i really do. im just not tryna swallow my pride to say it to him. its gonna be 6 months on the 1st. so i wud say, we never really had a date, over time we just kinda knew when it was ok to call each other bf/gf. im hopin we dont break out into a fight or any dumb shit, right now, we aight. i rather be satisfied with the reality of it all, then stuck in some lala land with my head in the clouds thinkin its suttin that its really not. people may not like it, they may think he treats me wrong from what ive told, but we have our good times. he can be goofy and funny and times when he can be a asshole. LOL. i can be nice when i wanna be and i can be a bitch too! shit! im just worried that we're so alike , we just might not last. i got my fingers crossed, shit maybe my toes. its gon take more than finger & toe crossin for relationships to work out. but the point is, i want it to work & i will.
okay, 5AM. time to qo. qood morninq by the way.

♥eliiza over & out !

i know, i know. its been a while. and with the way im feeling right now, i need to write and let some steam out.

well, first off. i broke up with elijah. =/
i felt so insignificant. like i was of no importance, like he didnt care in any shape or form about me. and most importantly, i felt lonely when i didnt have to. i was alone at times when i didnt HAVE to be. times where he COULDVE came, he didnt and gave me excuses. it didnt feel like a relationship i belonged in. so that was the end of the that. im into someone else anyway. haha.

it kinda hurts because it took awhile for me to realize that i had to leave and on top of that, i feel so used and so shitty when i REALLY get into deep thought about everything. i thought things would change and shit would take a 360 turn BUT i was wrong. i can only learn from my mistakes so this just adds to the list.

im into somebody WORTH being into anyway. eric. i met him i believe last november and we been cool BUT we never met face to face, thats the downfall. womp womp. our chemistry is so amazing though. we get along so beautifully, maybe cause hes a jackass like me. lmao! but im not in LALA land with him either. i dont plan on givin my heart entirely, little by little but not all at once. slowly by slowly, i think things will work out. and if i end up being wrong, then um, im going gay. LMAO. nah nah, i kid , i kid.

friends. wow. where can i begin. i found out something that put me into total shock. and i hope it REALLY REALLY DOESNT happen. i cant say it exactly, i dont wanna blow any spots up.... the people i considered "best " friends, are TOTAL strangers. im not gonna mention names either. well at least not just YET. things are bound to blow up one or another. tick, tick, BOOM. yea, just like that.

as for college.... well, thats going smoothly. im so excited about starting school.

ugh and im sick. -sniffs- i have a earache, a headache AND a runny nose. it sucks so much ASS. and with that im qone to rest. ttul.

♥ eliza